By: Kristen Anderson, Performance Coach, Sex Educator, and Specialist in Men’s Health
"I don’t know. I start off really hard, and the sex is good, but lately, I’ve just been having difficulty coming during sex. I just can’t get all the way there." - E.W. 36 year old client.
Sound familiar?
This is a complaint I hear often in my sessions. A client comes in, struggling with delayed ejaculation or an inability to finish during penetrative sex with their partner. The frustration on their face waffles between disappointment, sadness and worry. The implications on what this means for their relationship weighs heavy on their minds.
When I rule out potential medical causes—like the impact of SSRIs, which can interfere with ejaculation—the focus shifts to a range of personal exploration including how my client is masturbating.
MASTURBATION TRAINING: TRAIN LIKE YOU MEAN IT
Masturbation is a healthy and normal part of sexual health and pleasure. Think of it as a workout for your intimate health—an opportunity to strengthen, stretch, and build endurance in a way that benefits your entire body and mind. And there’s research to support this: a Harvard Medical School study found that people with penises who ejaculated 21 or more times per month had a 31% lower risk of prostate cancer compared to those who averaged 4–7 times. I think that’s a health PR worth aiming for!
As a specialist in men’s health and sex educator, I’ve worked with over 300 folks who identify as men who are facing challenges in sexual function, including erectile function, premature ejaculation, porn compulsion, Peyronie’s disease, prostate enlargement and cancer. For many of them, masturbation training is a key part of their journey back to peak performance.
MASTURBATION 101
Masturbation, or self-pleasuring, is a deep form of intimate connection with your body and mind. It’s about exploring your body, understanding what feels good, and developing the control to achieve and enhance pleasure. This can be as simple as touching and rubbing areas like the penis, prostate, anus, or nipples. When done right, it can be like finding your stride during a run. It’s about discovering your preferences and building your rhythm.
Masturbation helps restore a sense of sensual self, regulate ejaculatory control, and rebuild libido. It’s also a great way to stay in the game when your partner can't play. I encourage clients to think of masturbation as a personalized training session for their penis.
THE BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION
Like any good workout, masturbation has a ton of benefits:
•Relaxes your muscles: It’s like the post-workout stretch your body craves.
•Helps you fall asleep: Think of it as your cool-down routine.
•Releases endorphins: Masturbation is your personal "runner’s high" for physical and mental well-being.
•Reduces stress: It’s like a mindfulness practice with a little extra fun.
•Boosts self-esteem: Hitting new milestones always feels good!
•Reduces risk: It helps lower the risk of prostate cancer.
MINDFUL MASTURBATION
Masturbation hits differently when it is practiced mindfully. It can be about these beautiful things:
•Self-pleasure and self-discovery
•Sexual empowerment and bodily autonomy
•Cultivating presence
•Imaginative play - a chance to connect with your desires, fantasies, and core erotic experiences as well as creativity—no flashy visuals required.
WHEN MASTURBATION BECOMES UNHEALTHY
Just like overtraining, you can go too far when it comes to masturbation. Keep an eye out for these warning signs that it may be time to sit out a few sessions:
•Interferes with your daily life or relationships.
•Prevents you from enjoying pleasure with a partner.
•Affects your ability to get or maintain an erection.
If your routine feels off or you’re stuck in a slump, it’s time to adjust your approach.
HEALTHY MASTURBATION: TRAINING FOR SUCCESS
Masturbation, like any fitness program, benefits from variety and practice. Here are a few ways to improve your form:
•Switch Positions: Always masturbate in one position? That’s like only doing squats. Mix it up with standing, lying down, kneeling, or try the prone technique to build adaptability that transfers into your partnered sex. Engage Your Imagination: This is an exercise in mental fitness and imagination. Visualize scenarios that excite you or use a magazine to spice things up. This vintage playboy and lube kit is perfect for just that.
•Change Your Stimuli: Lube reduces friction, making masturbation smoother, more comfortable and more pleasurable. It helps you explore different sensations by mimicking the feel of partnered intimacy. Try this Wild Thing Lube can help you glide into a new rhythm.
•Variety is the spice of life and prevents your body from locking into a rigid routine or pattern. Experiment with touch, pressure, and speed Toys like this single use stroker can also help change texture.
When clients adopt mindful masturbation, they often report significant changes to length and stamina and report more satisfying sexual encounters, and an overall boost in confidence. Whether you’re building strength (libido), increasing control (ejaculatory timing), or restoring endurance (sensuality), a thoughtful approach to masturbation can keep you in peak condition both on and off the field.
BIO
Kristen’s mission is to empower people to perform at their best emotionally, physically and relationally. She's a sex educator and performance coach who has coached more than 300 folks who identify as men to overcome sexual function and intimacy challenges. With a background as an athlete, Boston Marathon qualifier, and novice golfer, Kristen knows firsthand the power of the mind-body connection in achieving peak performance and she applies this to her coaching technique.
Using a unique blend of mindfulness, pilates, sex education, and talk therapy, Kristen helps men rebuild confidence, trust, and emotional depth in their relationships. Her approach empowers clients to break through physical and emotional barriers, enhancing both their intimate and overall well-being while achieving deeper connections in their personal lives.